yesterday's news .:. february 2

In the rock and roll move of 2014, 24 year old New Zealander James Grant was attacked by a shark, then fought the animal off before he stitched his own wounds and headed to the pub for a pint. The junior doctor was out spearfishing with some friends when he felt something pulling at his leg. James assumed it was one of his bonehead friends trying to be hilarious. He turned to see in the murky water below a sevengill shark clamped on to his leg, Grant recounted 'bugger, now I have to try and get this thing off my leg." Like many New Zealanders, he already was wielding a knife and stabbed at the shark putting 'a few nicks in it.' He quickly scurried to the rocks on the shore and removed his wet suit revealing bites up to 5 cm long. The resourceful kiwi stitched himself up with a first aid kit he kept in his car then headed off to Colac Bay Tavern for a frosty brew. Staff at the bar had to give him more bandages to stop his wounds from bleeding all over the beer soaked floorboards. After a couple cold ones, he headed to Invercargill Hospital for them to complete the stitching. "I am pretty grateful to have my leg still. When the stitches come out, I will be back in the water." That is metal.

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There's been an article posted all over the internet claiming a North Korean landed a man on the sun. The first thing that comes to mind is 'preposterous' or 'straitjacket,' but knowing how sheltered North Koreans are it not inconceivable they would believe in such malarkey. The North Korean government controls the internet, news, television and all major forms of communication so the public believes what they are fed. And if you're sitting in a market such as, say, Toronto and you've had enough of the local news your can get on the internet and get news from any point of view you want, whether it be American, British, Japanese…whatever. The North Korean government for years has stifled its citizens communication means with outside nations and is sometimes referred to as the 'hermit kingdom.' "We are very delighted to announce a successful mission to put a man on the sun. North Korea has beaten every other country in the world to the sun. Hung Il Gong is a hero and deserves a hero's welcome when he returns home later this evening," proclaimed a North Korean anchor. A ambitious 17 year old youth name Hung Il Gong made a four hour (really?) journey to the sun in his specially designed rocket ship. Upon landing on the sun, Gong collected sun spot samples before hopping back into his vessel for a four hour flight home on cruise control with a bottle of Dom. The 'greatest human achievement of our time' (coined by the North Korean Central News agency obvs) took the young man eighteen hours round trip. Upon his return to Earth (relatively speaking), Hung Il Gong met with supreme leader and certifiable lunatic Kim Jong-un. Oh… Kim Jon-un is this kids uncle. Nothing fishy here.

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The Portuguese Navy has discovered a large pyramid underwater between the islands of Sao Miguel and Terciera in the Azores islands some 900 miles off the shore of capital city Lisbon. According to claims, the pyramid's base is perfectly squared measure at around 8000 square meters, reaching heights of 60 meters. The pyramid was found in an area of the mid-Atlantic ocean that has been underwater from some 20,000 years so it is assumed that whatever people living in the region at the time built the thing. Exact co-ordinates aren't publicly known; but the Azores Islands lay around the fault lines of the North American, Eurasian and African tectonic plates so an interesting place for a pyramid considering the energetic qualities and resonant frequencies associated with them. The fellow who discovered the pyramid, Diocleciano Silva believes there may be another pair of pyramids that there could be a design link to that of the Egyptian pyramids. Any discovery of this nature leads everyone to question 'have we found Atlantis?' Who knows? Geographically, it's close; Atlantis was allegedly in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, described in Plato's 'Timaeus' some 2350 years ago as a vast, advanced civilization but then sank entirely in one day and night after a botched attack on Athens. Over the centuries the story of Atlantis has evolved, and is now considered folklore since there is no concrete evidence proving it ever existed. It has always been a story that fascinated me since I was knee high to a grasshopper, but unfortunately science doesn't lend itself to any Atlantis lost continent theories. The continental drift theory has been around since proposed by Abraham Ortelius in 1596 (was probably burned at the stake as a heretic), but was refined with the advanced concept of plate tectonics (tracking the movement of the continents relative to each other creating the allusion they are 'drifting' across the ocean bed) in the 1960's making the disappearance of a large continent a geological impossibility. Another one bites the dust. 

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Fordsy booked in Vancouver for jaywalking. Possible drunken stupor. If you're still following the moron-a-thon, check it HERE.

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It's (almost) the fifty year anniversary of the Beatles performing on the Ed Sullivan show to some 73 million people in the U.S. The band has become a sensation a few months prior with a DJ spinning a record his friend had brought back from the U.K. That was it… music as we knew it had changed forever. The four blokes from the bleak streets of Liverpool took the world, and most importantly (at least in terms of record sales) the United States by storm. With one full length album "Introducing the Beatles," countless singles then their follow up "Meet the Beatles," released two weeks prior to their appearance on the Ed Sullivan show, the band was formally introduced to Americans. Beatlemania had arrived. As the legend goes, Ed Sullivan was a frequent visitor to England and had witnessed the crowds who were welcoming home the Beatles from a tour of Sweden. Sullivan told the New York Times "I made up my mind that this was the same sort of mass hit hysteria that had characterized the Elvis Presley days." The appearance on Sullivan was their American debut, aired on Sunday, February 9, 1964 and is one of the landmark 'where were you when…' events of the 1960's, as memorable as the moon landing and the JFK assassination. The Late Show With David Letterman, the current tenants of the Ed Sullivan theatre, have decided to pay tribute to the event with a slate of musical guests performing Beatles songs on the Late Show the week of February  3-7. Some artists/song choices have been announced and include Sting doing "Drive My Car," Danger Mouse with the Shins' James Mercer cover "And I Love Her" and John Lennon's son Julian joining the Flaming Lips for a rendition of "Lucy In the Sky With Diamonds." Lenny Kravitz will be playing on the Wednesday February 5th show but what song he is playing isn't known. Here's Letterman's 30 Year Tribute from 1994.

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What the hell is going on with Black Flag? They have always been a polarizing band, regardless of lineup, but lately I'm convinced that Greg Ginn is insane. Ginn started the band, originally called Panic and went through a singer or two before solidifying their lineup with Henry Rollins as their frontman. Legal battles in the early 80s after signing a major label deal prevented the band from releasing material under their own name. Once the case was settled, Black Flag released a string of classic records in rapid succession; "My War," "Family Man," "Slip It In," "Loose Nut," "In My Head," were all put out between early 1984 to late 1985 before the band dissolved. Various incarnations have popped up here and there for one off shows, but it got a little realer in 2012. Ginn got together a new incarnation of the band while a 'tribute' band of mostly former members popped up using the moniker 'Flag.' After Ginn unsuccessfully tried to sue the 'rival' band, he soldiered on with singer Ron Reyes and released a sub par album called "What the…" In the latest chapter in the increasingly tarnished Black Flag legacy finds Ginn and Black Flag manager/pro skater Mike Vallely firing vocalist Reyes on stage mid show. Vallely has been named new vocalist of the band, a move alluded to by Reyes who noted shortly after his departure "I would not be surprised if Mike V becomes the new singer for Black Flag. It is my opinion that they have been planning this for some time." Vallely told Rolling Stone that Reyes was told 'very plainly, very simply, that it was over. And he (Ron) looked at me and he almost seemed relieved." Ginn, true to Reyes' prediction, asked Vallely to join the band immediately. "Greg just felt like 'I don't want the Black Flag name to fizzle out with this or be tainted with this record that's proven to be subpar compared to what the expectations for it were.' He told me he made a mistake by working with Ron and trying to pander to a sort of old-school thing. He just thought that I was the guy for the job. I'm not gonna say no to that," said Vallely. The band has begun recording new material and are expected to hit the road in May for an extended tour. 

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The black sheep of the awards show season, the Grammys wasn't without it moments. Not that I gave a rip about any actual category, its tough to not want to see Paul and Ringo play together again, despite being the two least interesting Beatles. Pink put on an impressive silk display, backed by a crap song and Daft Punk looked like extras from 'Attack Of the Clones' while sweeping the major awards. In what should have been an impressive finale, Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails was joined by the Queens Of the Stone Age, Dave Grohl and Lindsay Buckingham… what was actually aired was pretty rad, ripping through NIN track "Copy Of A" then QOTSA rocker "My God Is the Sun" before fading to the credits mid track. Reznor, obviously annoyed, tweeted shortly after the ceremony ended "Music's biggest night… to be disrespected. A heartfelt f*** you, guys." The Grammys have since apologized and expressed a certain amount of calculated sympathy for him. "I'm sorry he was upset. I was really thrilled that we were finally getting him on the Grammys," said Ken Ehrlich, producer of the show, also noting "I want to end on a high, an up note. I did tell them we'd take it as long as we could. The number was about five, six  minutes long, and we got to within a minute twenty of the end. We got as close as we could possibly get." You could have cut that hair flail put to music that was Taylor Swift to let some decent bands play. Just a thought..

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The Toronto Maple Leafs are all of a sudden playing like a team possessed reeling off a 9-1-1 record in their past eleven games vaulting them to the lofty fourth seed in the Eastern Conference. The Leafs are six points up on the eighth spot and have a hold on the third playoff position in the Atlantic division, and sit a mere three point behind second place Tampa Bay. Phil Kessel, who hit the thirty goal mark for the sixth time in his career last night with a hat trick in a 6-3 win over Ottawa, is sixth in league scoring, and second in goals scored behind only Alex Ovechkin. Equally impressive of late has been Kessel's linemates, Tyler Bozak, who has been on fire since returning from injury and James van Riemsdyk, who along with Kessel is an American Olympian. Not only is the trio arguably the hottest line in the NHL - there is stiff competition from a certain Sharp-Toews-Hossa line boasted by the defending champion Chicago Blackhawks - but their second line of Joffrey Lupul,  Nazam Kadri and Nikolai Kulemin (filling in for the injured David Clarkson) has also came to life. Kadri tucked in two goals, one of the highlight reel variety last Tuesday against Tampa before adding three assists against the Panthers on Thursday. Lupul, who hadn't scored in what seems like months has scored goals in consecutive games and has four points in the last three contests. Big shoutout to the newly acquired Tim Gleason who seems to be blocking shots at the rate of about one per shift.. He's been a horse out there defensively and a huge addition to our blueline. How is he not injured yet by the way? Man, he's taken some shots.. about four painful looking ones in the Tampa game alone. The Leafs head to Florida for rematches of last weeks games in Toronto, first to Miami to play the Panthers then off to Tampa to take on the Lightning before coming home to a contest against the Vancouver Canucks to conclude their pre-Olympic schedule. 

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Speaking of the Olympics (Opening Ceremonies this Friday, Canada's first game against Norway is on February 13 at noon), Sidney Crosby made a classy gesture to Blackhawks captain Jonathan Toews by asking if it was alright to accept the captaincy of the team. I've thought Toews resume, omit actual points, has been just as impressive as Sid's, captaining the Hawks to two Stanley Cup championships. Toews, always subdued and humble, was flattered saying "for Sidney to ask guys for approval, I don't think he needed to do that, but it shows the kind of guy he is. I'm just honoured to be in the conversation for captaincy. One way or the other, I'm excited to accept a role like that." I still wish he was captain and if it was any other team he would be. Team Canada coach Mike Babcock rained praised on the Hawks captain stating he would be a deserving captain. "He's earned the right to be a captain with Canada: two cups, Olympic gold. I don't know what else he's won. It seems more than that. He's a pro who does it right every day. He's a 200 footer. To me, he's an impressive, impressive man." Toews will wear a letter at the tournament as he was named alternate captain, along with Nashville Predators captain Shea Weber. Team Canada boasts six NHL captains signifying an abundance of leadership in their dressing room. Go Canada!

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yesterday's news .:. jan 16

New Year! New Post! Hopefully not the only one of 2014!

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If you felt a large exhale breezing across the Toronto skyline, it may have came from Mayor Rob Ford's office at City Hall. Alas, another large politician who is making apology after apology for Bobby Moynihan to portray on a weekly basis has entered the squared circle. Chris Christie, current New Jersey governor and potential presidential candidate, (well.. not now) may have had someone on his staff shut down two of three lanes providing access to the George Washington Bridge from September 9-13 causing chaos for commuters and emergency vehicles alike. Pretty annoying for everyone involved but even more so for the poor guy who died because the ambulance couldn't get to him. Why would he do this you ask? Political revenge obviously. The target: a small town democratic Mayor, a Mr. Mark Sokolich of Fort Lee who hadn't supported him in the 2013 New Jersey Gubernatorial (Governors') Election. Emails from Christie staffers even referred to Sokolich in a derogatory manner knowing the highway closure would affect him. On company emails boys? Come on. I expect a bit more from politicians sleazy wise. I didn't think he'd completely deny and blame then fire staffers, though he does look like the type of bloke who would encase someone in cement and dispatch them to the bottom of the lake. And hot on the heels of the "highway gate" (did I just coin that?) CNN learned that a federal inquiry on the advance made by Christie from Hurricane Sandy relief funds to fun his campaign for the 2013 Gubernatorial Election has begun. Kind of a douche movie.  I don't enjoy reality TV, never have… but if these two guys hooked up on some kind of Canada vs USA fat mayor show, I'd tune into the pilot (ahem… Fox). Speaking of hilarious crack smoking mayors; it's been almost 24 years (January 18, 1990) since Marion Barry, former mayor of Washington DC was busted smoking crack in a sting operation orchestrated by the FBI and his ex-girlfriend Hazel Diane 'Rasheeda' Moore. During the videotaped arrest Barry noted that the 'bitch set me up,' and makes for outstanding YouTube watching.

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Aloha from Hawaii! I'm not actually in Hawaii. I wish..But it's been 41 years since the broadcast of the 'Elvis: Aloha From Hawaii' TV special. Elvis performed two benefit concerts for the Kui Lee Cancer Fund and recorded them both, the second of which was broadcasted via satellite to millions of viewers live become the first global concert satellite broadcast. The first show was recorded and ready to air in case the satellite technology still in its infancy failed but the show aired without interruption as scheduled on January 14, 1973. Ironically, the special didn't air in the United States until April 4, 1973 because it aired the same day as Super Bowl (Miami beat Washington if you're keep score) leaving Americans anticipating the first 'live broadcast' concert 10 weeks later. Good call! Oh, as for the actual show, here's a recap: Elvis wore an elaborate outfit with an eagle on it, he did play "Hound Dog," and ran through some other rock & roll standards like 'Johnny B Goode' and 'Long Tall Sally. Not long after the show, Elvis' divorce was finalized (he and Priscilla had separated in February 1972) and his health went downhill faster than a bottle of quaaludes at, well, Elvis' house. 

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I haven't been to a music festival in a long time. Well, Riot Fest two years ago, but I was only there for a couple hours. But Lollapalooza, Warped Tour, Hellfest were all insanely fun and it was some of the most eye opening times I've ever had as an impressionable youth (is it still pronounced 'yout'?). But every time I'd have a conversation with some random person they were always true, real, fairly good folks. When I picture a music festival now I picture three days of overcrowded camping areas, overflowing portable lavatories (not to mention the rivers of piss everywhere from people who have stopped using them), and endless conversations that go like this:

Maybe I'm just getting old and curmudgeon. Maybe it's funny and horrifying all at once. Maybe I'm becoming Grandpa Simpson.

Homer: Come on Dad, you are just not with.

Grandpa Simpson: I used to be with it, until the changed what it was. Now what I am with isn't it and what is it seems scary to me. And the same thing is going to happen to you, mark my words!

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Brian Griffin is/was kind of dead. That is what we know of the death of pretend dogs. Basically, they just stopped animating the drawing of a dog for an episode or two. It caused quite the uproar when the animated canine was killed after being hit by a car in November. But knowing full well they can't kill of the best character on the show, Stewie went back in time in the Christmas episode to prevent his death and the absurd 'normalcy' of the show had been restored. Did they kill off that weird dog that was voiced by Tony Sirico? Anyways, always a genius with a master plan, creator and the voice of Brian, Seth McFarlane revealed why he did this (obvs on the Twitters): "You didn't really think we'd kill off Brian, did you? Jesus, we'd have to be f***ing high. And thus endeth our warm, fuzzy holiday lesson: Never take those you love for granted, for they can be gone in a flash." Well, there you go! Seth proves conclusively that he isn't just a dick and fart joke factory, but is giving you something to think about. The talking bear movie guy showing us what's up. 

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Is Andy Kaufman alive or dead? Weird dude, never the hugest fan in that he never made me laugh out loud (lol as the kids say) but what he did was always interesting, whether he's lip synching along to a "Pop Goes the Weasel" 45 on SNL in the 70's to almost getting clocked out by Michael Richards on "Fridays" for not reading his lines… like at all. He thought it would 'be funny.' Kaufman was also obsessed with the idea of faking his own death, constantly talked friend and comedian Bob Zmuda's ear off about his brilliant scheme. Fake your own death, pop out twenty years later and yell 'Surprise!' would be the ultimate prank. He 'died' May 16, 1984 putting the twenty year mark (get out your calculators) at 2004. The years roll by, uneventfully on the Kaufman front although in 2013 a one Stephen Maddox of Greenwood, Indiana claimed to be Kaufman's son, and that his step father and Andy had switched places so he could be relieved of his mid-level fame. There was another incident in November 2013 at the 9th Annual Andy Kaufman Awards where a woman who claimed to be Andy's daughter went on stage and said her father wanted 'to live a quiet life and raise a family.' As it turns out, Andy's brother Michael Kaufman hired the woman to play Andy's daughter for the night. Too bad because I'd love Andy to just show up somewhere and do something weird. 

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The Toronto Maple Leafs have hit the winter version of baseball's 'June Swoon' after a horrific December and a not-so-great November. The new year started off auspiciously enough with a win at the Winter Classic against Detroit with Tyler Bozak clinching the victory in the shootout. Still hungover from the Ann Arbor air, the Leafs soldiered through a stretch of games where they were absolutely abysmal, the low point being a 6-1 drubbing at the hands of the Carolina Hurricanes in Raleigh. The cracks really started to show from habits established early in the season that were masked by superb goaltending. You can't give up forty shots a night and expect to win in any league higher than Junior B. The sub-par play of late can't be attributed to the goalies. They have looked weak at times, a Bernier trapezoid miscue here, a Reimer softie in a tie game there, but goaltending is the least of our issues right now. Giving up forty shots is all well and good if they are from the outside but you can't give up these grade A chances to NHL players… Just hanging Reims and Bernie out to dry. Fortunately, the Leafs currently find themselves on a three game winning streak, seemingly righting the ship (the canoe) with shootout wins against the Devils on Sunday and the Sabres Wednesday, and a huge emotional win over the Bruins in Boston sandwiched in on Tuesday. The modest streak vaulted the Leafs from their season low position of eleventh to fifth seed in the tight albeit weak Eastern Conference setting up a showdown with their oldest rivals, the Montreal Canadians, for a Saturday night "Hockey Night In Canada" tilt. Montreal currently sits in fourth place in the conference, six points up on the Leafs.

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Team Canada. Roster has been announced. Seabrook should be on the team. All I'm gonna say. Oh, and make Toews captain. Here's the Canadian team:

The Swedish,  Finnish, Russian, Czech, and American teams are equally frightening. Check out the other rosters HERE.
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Songs.

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Game on 2014.

news feeds november 10

Wow... Another week gone by with absolutely no news coming out of Toronto. Especially on the political front. Weird, wild stuff. I will try to throw something despite no news to speak of.

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Total drag. Toronto's most famous discount/department store, Honest Ed's is soon to be no more. David Mirvish, son of founder 'Honest' Ed Mirvish, confirmed last week that the site has been sold to Vancouver based condo developers Westbank Properties in a deal that will close later this year. The site, which includes the Honest Ed's store and converted towns houses that line the East side of Markham Avenue, is one of the largest re-development sites in downtown Toronto. The store opened in 1941 and is known far and wide for its crazy circus like signage (often used to gauge where you are whilst 'inebriated' on the Bloor night bus) and it's free turkey giveaway every Thanksgiving. The store hasn't changed much since the 1940s it seems. And the deterioration of the makeup of what was once the worlds leading discount store can be caught with the naked eye. Wires from the ceiling, dusty inventory and a few seemingly abandoned hallways where a robbery or two may have taken place. Shortcomings aside, Honest Ed's is one of my favourite places in the city. Ya, the stock is questionable, the jeans might very well be made of burlap and I've seen low end neon signs for 2.99 with spelling errors (my favourite is a man swinging a 7 iron and in big letter the neon exclaims 'GOIF') but it harkens back to a time of Torontos origins as a theatre hot spot. The walls are plastered with playbills, photos of actors, signed and personalized to 'Ed and Anne', posters of past productions and my favourite, by the main till by the Bloor St entrance, the giant signed Frank Sinatra photo.  I get it, the stock is tacky, the staff is in the same smocks as their grand opening but it really is one of the funnest places to walk around. Preservation wise, it would be awesome if they could just leave it as is right now, dusty stock and all. The discount store was always Ed's baby and after his passing (and in turn the passing of the store to his son) the focus was shifted to the theatre side of the business, despite Ed's uncanny ability to run the store, the Broadway shows and Ed's Warehouse restaurant, one of my dad's favourites (always raved about the prime rib). David Mirvish noted "families and businesses evolve. My family moved his business from Dundas Street to Bloor Street; I’m moving our business from Bloor Street to King Street" (location of Mirvish Production offices and Mirvish Walkway aka Canada's Walk of Fame). Hopefully, the beautifully tacky signage can be preserved somewhere; the developers mentioned including a museum of everything Mirvish somewhere on/in the new site. Let's hope this Toronto landmark, that helped shape the Annex neighbourhood since 1941, gets remembered for what it was; the Worlds Greatest (and maybe the original) Discount store. Give Honest Ed's autobiography,"How To Build An Empire On An Orange Crate", a look. A great read and the last thing I bought at his great store.

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This isn't really news, but I love me some good irony. William Shatner dropped some knowledge on us in Airplane II, and it went like this: "Irony can be pretty ironic," delivered with the kind of sombre urgency that only he can deliver. I'm missing the point but that is a great line. What a terrible film though. Watch the original Airplane film for can't miss hilarity. Anyways, the is an exhibit at Atlanta's Premier Exibition Center showing off Titanic artefacts and re-create rooms and scenes from the 'unsinkable ship' and spared no expense on the historical integrity as it closed in the middle of operating hours due to an unspecified water source. The Daily Mail did note that the similarities have "an unerring degree of accuracy." Too soon? Fortunately, the attraction reopened for business on Thursday morning with an employee saying they were 'closed for less than a day' and that the irony wasn't lost on the staff and many jokes will be had. It's nice to joke around at work.

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On October 29, 1969 the internet was invented. No joke. It involved two computers; one at UCLA's School of Engineering and Applied Science and Douglas Engelbart's system (he also created the mouse - computer not rodent - and developed hypertext ) in Menlo Park, California. Shortly after UC Santa Barbara joined, then some folks at the University of Utah, gaining fifteen networks by 1971. Commercial internet began popping up in the late 1980's and early 1990's (remember when a phone call would knock you offline?). I remember thinking my 28.8k modem was a significant upgrade to my 14.4 on my P1 75MHz processor hog. I could play Wolfenstein, later Civilization (Civ 2 to be more accurate) and Doom. Shareware version of course. How about theglobe.com.. I wish I could remember what handle I used back in the day but, naturally, the site has long been shutdown. Maybe there is a mirror of it? The founder of the Globe.com is one of the best dot.com millionaire stories ever. Cornell undergrads Stephan Peternot and Todd Krizelman launched the site April 1, 1995 garnering 44,000 visitors to the site in the first month. The company secured a $20 billion dollar investment from Dancing Bear Investments making the kids six figure salaries by the time they were 23 years of age. The company went public in 1998 making the two guys being worth 100 million each. CNN interview Paternot in 1999, donning leather pants with his model girlfriend at some Manhattan nightclub made the dubious statement, "Got the girl. Got the money. Now I'm ready to live a disgusting, frivolous life" dubbing him the 'CEO in plastic pants.' The stock, obvs, plummets and the two wonder kids are forced out by 2000. They both currently live together and play canasta while reminiscing of the olden times when they were embarrassing, obnoxious arseholes. Then social media grabbed the net by the balls. First with Myspace.com which now I don't even think is a real thing. I think people still use it for music or something. Then the Facebook, tweeters and instagrams came out and now we know everything about everyone at all times. Not only is your friend going to the show tonight here is a link to buy tickets to the same event. But the internet has basically changed the way we do everything from shop to get our news to watch our favourite TV shows. It has come a long way since downloading Simpsons episodes in ten parts from News Groups, waiting 45 minutes to download a three minute Fugazi song in wav format or get an album in 3 seconds in Real Player format - remember that piece of junk? Anyways, we love you internet. Please don't go away or we'll all be screwed. Also, there's this great book called "Tubes" written by Andrew Blum who traces those crazy wires that hook up to get on the internet, where the go and who takes care of them. He visits data centres the world over from Palo Alto to Virginia to Amsterdam and really is a fascinating read if you like that sort of thing. 

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The Boston Red Sox are your 2013 World Series Champions. The Sox completed their worst to first run with a six game series sin over the St. Louis Cardinals. This year's edition of the Red Sox reminded me of the historic 2004 team, not just because they beat the same opponent and had similar clutch performances but because every member of that team genuinely liked each other on and off the field. Staff ace Jon Lester alluded to this fact, noting after the victory that he spent more time with his teammates off the field than on. The teams dismal 2012 Bobby Valentine season has been well documented and no one gave the Sox much of a chance this year. Why would anyone expect the Red Sox to do much? The Blue Jays were dubbed World Series favourites after picking up R.A. Dickey, Jose Reyes, Mark Buehrle and Josh Johnson while the Tampa Bay Rays pitching staff, led by David Price, have been a tough team since their World Series appearance not to mention the great strides the Orioles franchise have taken, with slugger Chris Davis, centre fielder Adam Jones and third basemen Manny Machado all having career years this year. The Red Sox came off a crazy off season last year where they lured slugger Adrian Gonzalez from the Padres and Carl Crawford from the divisional rival Rays... Both players proved to be a bust in Boston, especially Crawford who was hurt for most of his tenure and we shipped to the Dodgers together along with Josh Beckett and Nick Punto. This move, what was essentially a salary dump, was the first building block of this years championship (the foundation; David Ortiz, Dustin Pedroia, Jacoby Ellsbury, Jon Lester; was already in place). In this past off season, GM Ben Cherington avoid the big name free agents available and went for character players, guys who have won in the past. Hoping to create a new culture in Boston, a return to the winning tradition Red Sox fans had become accustomed to since their 2004 championship, Cherington went out and picked up former Phillies centre fielder Shane Victorino, Rangers 1B/DH Mike Napoli (whose deal was almost axed during the preseason due to a failed physical) and the versatile outfielder/pinch hitter extraordinaire Jonny Gomes. The biggest off season move for the club had to be the re-acquisition of John Farrell, who left his Red Sox post as pitching coach to manage the Toronto Blue Jays for two seasons. With Valentine fired almost immediately after the 2012 season, it didn't take too long for the Sox to start talking to the Jays regarding Farrell's return to Beantown. Next thing you know Mike Aviles is shipped to the Jays as compensation and the Red Sox had their manager. Farrell had an instantly calming influence on a club whose club house culture was, essentially, a nightmare (see eating fried chicken, drinking beer etc). He was especially good at handling his staff and bullpen, something that shouldn't be a surprise given his previous assignment as a pitching coach, and the team's ERA was 3.79, compared to 2012's 4.70 with essentially the same staff. Throw in a trade deadline deal for former Cy Young Award winner Jake Peavy from the White Sox and you had a team that could beat you so many ways. A resurgent John Lackey, who came back from Tommy John surgery, was lights out most of the season and all playoffs, even coming in to throw an inning of relief in the World Series. Baltimore Orioles/Texas Rangers castoff Koji Uehara was lights out as the closer, taking over the job from an injured Andrew Bailey and Jack Hannerhan. He was virtually unhittable throughout the playoffs and won the ALCS MVP going 1-0 with 3 saves and 0.00 ERA. David Ortiz, World Series MVP, finished with a .688 batting average in the World Series not to mention a staggering on-base percentage of .760. Video game numbers right there. The scary part is most of the team will be intact next year; Napoli and shortstop Stephen Drew have already been offered new deals leaving lead off man and MLB stolen base leader Jacoby Ellsbury as the teams main focus. Whatever he asks for, pay it. Great season and congrats to the Red Sox!

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The NHL is in full swing now, most teams a game or two away from the quarter way point of the season. This is the first full length season in a couple years and it's nice to see the West play the East again.. and it'll be nice to get a full season to gauge this Toronto Maple Leafs team that sat in the fifth seed in the East then took the eventual Eastern conference champion Boston Bruins to overtime of game 7 of their series (other than the finals their series ranked up amongst the best all playoff long). Offseason goalie acquisition Jonathan Bernier has played extremely well (despite letting in a few comically hilarious goals - taking cues from his former teammate Jonathan Quick's doozy of a goal earlier this season) and is providing not only competition but motivation for James Reimer, who has also played great this year, possibly setting up a late season deal to a goalie hungry team for a decent return (centreman please). We haven't really had a chance to see our new forwards, at least not at the same time, for anytime tangible length of time. Agitator, Toronto native, former New Jersey Devil and all around good guy David Clarkson was suspended for the first 10 games of the season after leaving the bench in the infamous line brawl between the Leafs and Sabres in the pre-season while another Toronto native (Mimico to be precise) and the man who scored the Cup clinching goal for the Blackhawks this past spring, Dave Bolland, will be out until at least December with a punctured tendon in his leg, four games after Clarkson's return from suspension. Leafs also picked up Mason Raymond, one of the fastest skaters in the league, who made the club out of camp on a try-out contract and has been a great surprise and a nice addition to the teams second-third line. The Leafs defence has been quite suspect and have been bailed out by stellar goaltending all season long. Captain Dion Phaneuf has been better this season, while Cody Franson much like last season has been our steadiest d-man. Nineteen year old Morgan Reilly has made an impression as well and deserves to be with the team. The biggest surprise has been the unsteady play of former blue chip prospect Jake Gardiner, who played unbelievably well the stretch and last years playoffs seems to have take a step back and hopefully will show us more as the season goes on. Paul Ranger, playing in the NHL for the first time since the 2009-10 season, really looks out of place sometimes.. Not the fleetest of foot to begin with, I catch him standing around watching more than anyone on the team. Mark Fraser, who is as steady (and tough) as they come will be a welcome addition, returned Friday against the Devils after missing thirteen games to injury. But despite the fact the Leafs are getting outshot basically every game (sometimes by over 20 shots!) they still sit third place in the Eastern Confrence with a 11-6-0 record. Let's keep it up boys!

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Very weird, messed up dude. Lost a true OG. Lou Reed 1942-2014.

news feeds may 23

Well, it has been a while since any updates. It happens. It's summertime(ish) so you have to get outside. And the onion is far better staffed than I am and offer much more biting satire. 

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Holy crap! Canadian politics is where it at these days for scandals. On the heels of Mike Duffy-gate (PEI senator who got busted for extravagant spending and doctoring documents), Toronto Mayor Rob Ford smokes crack. It's a joke that has no doubt been thrown around water coolers on Bay Street before the allegations were made public last Thursday on New York City website Gawker. Mayor Ford is allegedly seen on camera smoking crack-cocaine, making homophobic slurs and taking photos with known drug dealers and gang members. He called the claim ridiculous and that is basically all he has said about the scandal, his brother chiming in with a few words, listing the soon-to-be outgoing mayors list of political accolades.  Doesn't end there. Ford was fired from his volunteer job coaching a high school football team, the Toronto Catholic School Board claiming the decision was made before the scandal broke. Today, Thursday May 23, Ford fired his Chief of Staff Mark Towey who said "I am no longer the chief of staff. I did not resign," while being escorted out of city hall by security guards bearing bulletproof vests. Reporters were camped outside of Ford office hoping the mayor would emerge to field some questions, but he was locked up like Hitler's last days and left the office without talking to reporters. I saw the still, it looks like Rob Ford. It is more likely Ford was photoshopped into the photo than the person not being him if he is in fact innocent. Kids are whizzes with technology as one Ford supporter claimed but the man in the still is Rob Ford. He is dodging everyone including his mother regarding the issue, and he seems progressively guiltier the more he keeps quiet. And for the Chris Farley of North American mayors who is known to talk a lot, the silence is deafening. 

In other mayors smoking crack news, remember Marion Barry? The former mayor of Washington, D.C. had long been suspected a crack smoker. Federal official had been investigating the mayor for six years before finally being busted in January 1990 in a hotel with former girlfriend and model Rasheeda Moore. Barry was eventually sentenced to six months right in the middle of the election campaign, which he obviously lost. But the cream, and the crack always rises as Barry was re-elected as mayor of the capital of the United States for a fourth term from 1995-1999 shocking the nation that a convicted crack user can run the capital of the most powerful nation in the world (well… at the time). He currently serves on the DC council but has still found some trouble in his time off, including tax evasion, countless traffic violations, misdemeanour stalking, and the racist remarks he made at a party celebrating his primary victory for his council seat. Good times with crack addicted mayors!

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George Stroumboulopoulos has been in the Canadian public eye for years, first as a Much Music VJ, transitioning into his hour long talk show The Hour (now called George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight) which has been airing on CBC since 2005. Strombo is moving on to news juggernaut CNN for a new show, similar in format to his current talk show, to air on Friday nights. Guests of the show, which is to film in Los Angeles and air this summer, include Keanu Reeves, Bill Maher, Betty White, Ellen Page and Martin Short. CNN stalwart (with outstanding hair) Anderson Cooper sent a tweet to George saying 'I'm excited the very talented George Stroumboulopoulos @Strombo is joining CNN with New Friday Night Program,' and another twitter using pointing out she hopes people don't get George Stroumboulopoulos' show confused with George Stephanopoulos'. Seemed funny at the time.

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Jeff Hanneman, founding guitarist of Slayer died earlier this month from alcohol related cirrhosis at the age of 49. Jeff appeared on every Slayer record and along with Kerry King wrote most of the tunes. Hanneman penned Slayer classics "South Of Heaven," "Raining Blood," "Angel Of Death," "Live Undead," "War Ensemble," "Bitter Peace," and "Disciple" most of which are played at every single Slayer concert. Slayer were in the midst of writing a new album, their first since 2009's "World Painted Blood" and I'm sure they will record it and tour but no guitarist has been named to replace Hanneman. The man could shred so here's a couple nuggets of excellence. Cheers Jeff! Enjoy:

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Legendary Reno, Nevada punks 7 Seconds have signed with Rise Records. The band has put out nine full length and countless 7"s and compilations and have not released a studio record since 2005's "Take It Back, Take It On, Take It Over." The band came to prominence in the hardcore scene with 1984's "The Crew" but it was 1985's "Walk Together, Rock Together" that really put the band on the map in the punk and college radio scenes. My favourite 7 Seconds record, their third "New Wind," dropped in 1986. The band mellowed out considerably for their next few records "Ourselves," "Soulforce Revolution," "Out the Shizzy," before releasing their major label debut, "The Music, the Message" in 1995, returning to playing faster tempos no doubt to coincide with the reemergence of punk rock in the mid nineties. They released albums sporadically, 1999's "Good To Go" was terrific as was their last effort "Take It Back…" It'll be good to have them back. RE: The new record Kevin Seconds said "We have about 20 new songs that we'll record the best 13 songs from. This new record will be all about the energy and drive we still very much possess as a hardcore band. It's been 9 long years since we've recorded a new album so there's a great deal of urgency in them, with just the right mixture of both fast and mid-tempo tunes for people to sink their teeth into." Looking forward to some new songs.. Here's a rager or two:

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Not a good wrap for metal singers. Or steroids. Tim Lambesis, singer of overrated metal longhairs As I Lay Dying has been arrested recently in a murder for hire plot against his estranged wife. His lawyer is now claiming that the vocalist was on steroids thus "his thought processes were devastatingly affected" by his continued abuse. He was picked up after soliciting an undercover police officer to kill his wife Meggan who had filed for divorce in September 2012. In a bitch move, he sent his wife an email from the road and told her that he no longer loved her and he no longer believed in God. Oh, early in their career As I Lay Dying thought themselves to be a Christian band. Riiight… Anywho, his trial is ongoing. At minimum, spare us of his music.

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THERE'S ALWAYS MONEY IN THE BANANA STAND! Arrested Development comes back for a fourth season on May 26 when Netflix resurrects the Fox classic (is it old enough to be classic) show about the dysfunctional Bluth family. It has been seven years since the third season wrapped up and fans of the show who have been petitioning for the show to come back can finally relax and sink into all fifteen episodes of the fourth season at once, in this, the new age of television distribution. There will also be a feature length film that will take place chronologically after the fourth season and presumably wrap up the series. Rolling Stone has compiled some of the funniest jokes from the shows original 2003-2006 run. The show stars Jason Bateman, Will Arnett, Portia De Rossi, Michael Cera, Alia Shawkat, Tony Hale, David Cross, Jeffrey Tambor, Jessica Walter and God knows who else will show up in the new season (like Julia Louis-Dreyfus' sometimes blind-sometimes pregnant lawyer ex-fling of Michael Bluth or the vertigo crippled Lucille 2?)

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What's the best part about a lockout shortened season? The playoffs! Everyone is in midseason for due to the half season so we are being treated to some of the best hockey in years. The first round was as entertaining as it can get which how competitive of a league the NHL actually is. The stacked and heavily favoured PIttsburgh Penguins were in tough again the Islanders who, led by Johnny Tavares, Matt Moulson and Brad Boyes gave a scare to the first seeded Penguins. Pittsburgh won the series in 6 games, but look out for the Islanders in the coming seasons. Second seeded Montreal got spanked by divisional rivals Ottawa in five games, with game three in Ottawa being quite the fight filled affair with a full line brawl and PK Subban straddling Kyle Turris while filling him in with haymakers. By virtue of having the divisional leaders seeded 1-2-3 no matter what their point total was, the Washington Capitals got the third spot in the conference but were beaten by the sixth seeded, underachieving New York Rangers (currently down 3-0 vs Boston in round two.)

Maybe I'm a bit biased… but my favourite (and most heart wrenching) series of the first round was the Boston Bruins and the Toronto Maple Leafs. It has been well documented that the Leafs had not played a post season game in nine seasons due to bonehead plays both on the ice and in the front office, and that the Bruins, at least since their emergence as a powerhouse, OWN the Leafs. They beat the Leafs bad. They are bigger, more skilled, more experienced and know how to win much better than the Leafs roster, who other than Joffrey Lupul, Dion Phaneuf, James van Riemsdyk the team has minimal playoff experience and they were given much of a chance against the Bruins. The series went as expected, the Bruins building a 3-1 series lead. Game 4 was an excruciating loss for the team, with captain Phaneuf making a terrible pinch in OT to let the Bruins go in and score for the win after the Leafs and goalie James Reimer outplayed the Bruins in the contest fairly handily. The Leafs rattle off two convincing wins, one at home, one on the road to set up a game 7 showdown in Boston. Both teams traded chances and played fairly evenly until eventually the Leafs has built up a 4-1 lead early in the third. Milan Lucic score a goal for the Bruins to make it 4-2 about halfway through the period. Two goals.. we can do this. Apparently, we can't and you know what happens next; it's 4-3 with a minute and a half to go before Patrice Bergeron ties it up in regulation before winning it in overtime on a garbage goal. Can't fault Reimer however, who may have legitimized himself as a actual first string goaltender in this league during  the course of the series. Tough series for the team, and the city, but hopefully lessons were learned and we don't have to wait another 9 years for some more playoff games. It's classic adage for a Leaf fan to say "Wait till next year!" so I won't say that but I will say that this team is looking good, but they aren't Cup contenders and are more than a few pieces away, but I'm still excited for where the team is going, and I have felt that way since Dougie, Felix and Wendal were in town..

I digress… Western Conference. The Presidents Trophy winning Chicago Blackhawks faced off against the Minnesota Wild (remember when many hockey prognosticators picked them to win the Cup?) and the Hawks made quick work, handling the Wild in five games. The second seeded Anaheim Ducks were given all they could handle by the underdog Detroit Red Wings (underdog with Datsyuk, Zetterberg, Franzen… ok) in what was probably the most entertaining first round series in the West. The Wings won three games in overtime, and seemed at times to be barely clinging on in the series, but overcame like the veterans they are to win game 7 by a 3-2 score. Vancouver (3) vs San Jose (6). Sleeper of a series. The only solace is that I can't stand the Canucks and the Sedin's and was glad they got swept, even though I would love to see the Hawks-Canucks playoff fire again. Defending champs LA Kings took on the St. Louis Blues and despite dropping the first two games of the series, the Kings roared back to win the next four and the series. 

Second round in on now (currently watching Hawks - Wings game 4 as I type this) with two original six matchups, one in each conference with the Boston Bruins and New York Rangers (Rangers are down 3-0 in the series and 2-0 in game 4 so bye) in the East and the aforementioned Chicago Blackhawks and Detroit Red Wings series. The other series in the East has the Pittsburgh Penguins with a 3-1 lead in their series with the Ottawa Senators and the West features an all-California series with the Kings taking on the San Jose Sharks, currently tied at two games a piece.

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Love this sketch: