Well, it has been a while since any updates. It happens. It's summertime(ish) so you have to get outside. And the onion is far better staffed than I am and offer much more biting satire.
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Holy crap! Canadian politics is where it at these days for scandals. On the heels of Mike Duffy-gate (PEI senator who got busted for extravagant spending and doctoring documents), Toronto Mayor Rob Ford smokes crack. It's a joke that has no doubt been thrown around water coolers on Bay Street before the allegations were made public last Thursday on New York City website Gawker. Mayor Ford is allegedly seen on camera smoking crack-cocaine, making homophobic slurs and taking photos with known drug dealers and gang members. He called the claim ridiculous and that is basically all he has said about the scandal, his brother chiming in with a few words, listing the soon-to-be outgoing mayors list of political accolades. Doesn't end there. Ford was fired from his volunteer job coaching a high school football team, the Toronto Catholic School Board claiming the decision was made before the scandal broke. Today, Thursday May 23, Ford fired his Chief of Staff Mark Towey who said "I am no longer the chief of staff. I did not resign," while being escorted out of city hall by security guards bearing bulletproof vests. Reporters were camped outside of Ford office hoping the mayor would emerge to field some questions, but he was locked up like Hitler's last days and left the office without talking to reporters. I saw the still, it looks like Rob Ford. It is more likely Ford was photoshopped into the photo than the person not being him if he is in fact innocent. Kids are whizzes with technology as one Ford supporter claimed but the man in the still is Rob Ford. He is dodging everyone including his mother regarding the issue, and he seems progressively guiltier the more he keeps quiet. And for the Chris Farley of North American mayors who is known to talk a lot, the silence is deafening. 
In other mayors smoking crack news, remember Marion Barry? The former mayor of Washington, D.C. had long been suspected a crack smoker. Federal official had been investigating the mayor for six years before finally being busted in January 1990 in a hotel with former girlfriend and model Rasheeda Moore. Barry was eventually sentenced to six months right in the middle of the election campaign, which he obviously lost. But the cream, and the crack always rises as Barry was re-elected as mayor of the capital of the United States for a fourth term from 1995-1999 shocking the nation that a convicted crack user can run the capital of the most powerful nation in the world (well… at the time). He currently serves on the DC council but has still found some trouble in his time off, including tax evasion, countless traffic violations, misdemeanour stalking, and the racist remarks he made at a party celebrating his primary victory for his council seat. Good times with crack addicted mayors!
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George Stroumboulopoulos has been in the Canadian public eye for years, first as a Much Music VJ, transitioning into his hour long talk show The Hour (now called George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight) which has been airing on CBC since 2005. Strombo is moving on to news juggernaut CNN for a new show, similar in format to his current talk show, to air on Friday nights. Guests of the show, which is to film in Los Angeles and air this summer, include Keanu Reeves, Bill Maher, Betty White, Ellen Page and Martin Short. CNN stalwart (with outstanding hair) Anderson Cooper sent a tweet to George saying 'I'm excited the very talented George Stroumboulopoulos @Strombo is joining CNN with New Friday Night Program,' and another twitter using pointing out she hopes people don't get George Stroumboulopoulos' show confused with George Stephanopoulos'. Seemed funny at the time.
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Jeff Hanneman, founding guitarist of Slayer died earlier this month from alcohol related cirrhosis at the age of 49. Jeff appeared on every Slayer record and along with Kerry King wrote most of the tunes. Hanneman penned Slayer classics "South Of Heaven," "Raining Blood," "Angel Of Death," "Live Undead," "War Ensemble," "Bitter Peace," and "Disciple" most of which are played at every single Slayer concert. Slayer were in the midst of writing a new album, their first since 2009's "World Painted Blood" and I'm sure they will record it and tour but no guitarist has been named to replace Hanneman. The man could shred so here's a couple nuggets of excellence. Cheers Jeff! Enjoy:
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Legendary Reno, Nevada punks 7 Seconds have signed with Rise Records. The band has put out nine full length and countless 7"s and compilations and have not released a studio record since 2005's "Take It Back, Take It On, Take It Over." The band came to prominence in the hardcore scene with 1984's "The Crew" but it was 1985's "Walk Together, Rock Together" that really put the band on the map in the punk and college radio scenes. My favourite 7 Seconds record, their third "New Wind," dropped in 1986. The band mellowed out considerably for their next few records "Ourselves," "Soulforce Revolution," "Out the Shizzy," before releasing their major label debut, "The Music, the Message" in 1995, returning to playing faster tempos no doubt to coincide with the reemergence of punk rock in the mid nineties. They released albums sporadically, 1999's "Good To Go" was terrific as was their last effort "Take It Back…" It'll be good to have them back. RE: The new record Kevin Seconds said "We have about 20 new songs that we'll record the best 13 songs from. This new record will be all about the energy and drive we still very much possess as a hardcore band. It's been 9 long years since we've recorded a new album so there's a great deal of urgency in them, with just the right mixture of both fast and mid-tempo tunes for people to sink their teeth into." Looking forward to some new songs.. Here's a rager or two:
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Not a good wrap for metal singers. Or steroids. Tim Lambesis, singer of overrated metal longhairs As I Lay Dying has been arrested recently in a murder for hire plot against his estranged wife. His lawyer is now claiming that the vocalist was on steroids thus "his thought processes were devastatingly affected" by his continued abuse. He was picked up after soliciting an undercover police officer to kill his wife Meggan who had filed for divorce in September 2012. In a bitch move, he sent his wife an email from the road and told her that he no longer loved her and he no longer believed in God. Oh, early in their career As I Lay Dying thought themselves to be a Christian band. Riiight… Anywho, his trial is ongoing. At minimum, spare us of his music.
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THERE'S ALWAYS MONEY IN THE BANANA STAND! Arrested Development comes back for a fourth season on May 26 when Netflix resurrects the Fox classic (is it old enough to be classic) show about the dysfunctional Bluth family. It has been seven years since the third season wrapped up and fans of the show who have been petitioning for the show to come back can finally relax and sink into all fifteen episodes of the fourth season at once, in this, the new age of television distribution. There will also be a feature length film that will take place chronologically after the fourth season and presumably wrap up the series. Rolling Stone has compiled some of the funniest jokes from the shows original 2003-2006 run. The show stars Jason Bateman, Will Arnett, Portia De Rossi, Michael Cera, Alia Shawkat, Tony Hale, David Cross, Jeffrey Tambor, Jessica Walter and God knows who else will show up in the new season (like Julia Louis-Dreyfus' sometimes blind-sometimes pregnant lawyer ex-fling of Michael Bluth or the vertigo crippled Lucille 2?)
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What's the best part about a lockout shortened season? The playoffs! Everyone is in midseason for due to the half season so we are being treated to some of the best hockey in years. The first round was as entertaining as it can get which how competitive of a league the NHL actually is. The stacked and heavily favoured PIttsburgh Penguins were in tough again the Islanders who, led by Johnny Tavares, Matt Moulson and Brad Boyes gave a scare to the first seeded Penguins. Pittsburgh won the series in 6 games, but look out for the Islanders in the coming seasons. Second seeded Montreal got spanked by divisional rivals Ottawa in five games, with game three in Ottawa being quite the fight filled affair with a full line brawl and PK Subban straddling Kyle Turris while filling him in with haymakers. By virtue of having the divisional leaders seeded 1-2-3 no matter what their point total was, the Washington Capitals got the third spot in the conference but were beaten by the sixth seeded, underachieving New York Rangers (currently down 3-0 vs Boston in round two.)
Maybe I'm a bit biased… but my favourite (and most heart wrenching) series of the first round was the Boston Bruins and the Toronto Maple Leafs. It has been well documented that the Leafs had not played a post season game in nine seasons due to bonehead plays both on the ice and in the front office, and that the Bruins, at least since their emergence as a powerhouse, OWN the Leafs. They beat the Leafs bad. They are bigger, more skilled, more experienced and know how to win much better than the Leafs roster, who other than Joffrey Lupul, Dion Phaneuf, James van Riemsdyk the team has minimal playoff experience and they were given much of a chance against the Bruins. The series went as expected, the Bruins building a 3-1 series lead. Game 4 was an excruciating loss for the team, with captain Phaneuf making a terrible pinch in OT to let the Bruins go in and score for the win after the Leafs and goalie James Reimer outplayed the Bruins in the contest fairly handily. The Leafs rattle off two convincing wins, one at home, one on the road to set up a game 7 showdown in Boston. Both teams traded chances and played fairly evenly until eventually the Leafs has built up a 4-1 lead early in the third. Milan Lucic score a goal for the Bruins to make it 4-2 about halfway through the period. Two goals.. we can do this. Apparently, we can't and you know what happens next; it's 4-3 with a minute and a half to go before Patrice Bergeron ties it up in regulation before winning it in overtime on a garbage goal. Can't fault Reimer however, who may have legitimized himself as a actual first string goaltender in this league during the course of the series. Tough series for the team, and the city, but hopefully lessons were learned and we don't have to wait another 9 years for some more playoff games. It's classic adage for a Leaf fan to say "Wait till next year!" so I won't say that but I will say that this team is looking good, but they aren't Cup contenders and are more than a few pieces away, but I'm still excited for where the team is going, and I have felt that way since Dougie, Felix and Wendal were in town..
I digress… Western Conference. The Presidents Trophy winning Chicago Blackhawks faced off against the Minnesota Wild (remember when many hockey prognosticators picked them to win the Cup?) and the Hawks made quick work, handling the Wild in five games. The second seeded Anaheim Ducks were given all they could handle by the underdog Detroit Red Wings (underdog with Datsyuk, Zetterberg, Franzen… ok) in what was probably the most entertaining first round series in the West. The Wings won three games in overtime, and seemed at times to be barely clinging on in the series, but overcame like the veterans they are to win game 7 by a 3-2 score. Vancouver (3) vs San Jose (6). Sleeper of a series. The only solace is that I can't stand the Canucks and the Sedin's and was glad they got swept, even though I would love to see the Hawks-Canucks playoff fire again. Defending champs LA Kings took on the St. Louis Blues and despite dropping the first two games of the series, the Kings roared back to win the next four and the series.
Second round in on now (currently watching Hawks - Wings game 4 as I type this) with two original six matchups, one in each conference with the Boston Bruins and New York Rangers (Rangers are down 3-0 in the series and 2-0 in game 4 so bye) in the East and the aforementioned Chicago Blackhawks and Detroit Red Wings series. The other series in the East has the Pittsburgh Penguins with a 3-1 lead in their series with the Ottawa Senators and the West features an all-California series with the Kings taking on the San Jose Sharks, currently tied at two games a piece.
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Love this sketch:
