thank god for worker bees

Monday, 14 May 2012

news feeds may 14

Mayor Rob Ford

Former Toronto mayor David Miller's five-cent fee for a plastic bag that was implemented in 2009 may be coming to an end, Mayor Ford saying the tax has "served it's purpose." The 'purpose' in question was to reduce plastic bag consumption and city staff estimate usage has dropped from 457 million bags annually to 215 million bags. The problem with the fee is the retailers keep the five cents with no real tax imposed upon the store or grocer so they stand to make a huge profit from being 'green.' So, the question is, how can this tax be used maybe for some kind of environmental good, whatever that cause may be - there's enough causes out there that need money - instead of just being pocketed by the retailers. Some of the city's staff has suggested try ask the major retailers to voluntarily donate the revenue to go towards saving trees from some infestation of the emerald ash borer bug, which has damaged the crap out of a lot of trees. That's a thought, but was vetoed and the by-law should be rescinded by July 1, 2012. I'll be honest, I used them for garbage bags and I haven't bought a box of those for years, and sure, I bring a backpack but I have no problem getting a bag or two, because I reuse them. Isn't that what being green's all about? Switch back to paper bags maybe?

A 44 year old Hawaiian has set the Guinness Book of World Records mark for surfing the BIGGEST WAVE EVER, BRO! Or other surf talk. The wave measured at a colossal 78 feet tall or 23.77 meters, which snuck up behind him while he as surfing at a competition in Portugal. Apparently, the measuring of the wave was a total pain in the butt. The wave's size was measured by taking the length of Garrett's tibia, while he was in a crouch position on the wave, then using video of the event, and with some complex math Guinness determined the size of the wave. Cowabunga!

Our prayers have been answered! The emo haircuts will soon be coming to an end! It has been reported that emo cuts could lead to a "lazy eye epidemic." Andrew Hogan, executive member of Optometrists Association Australia told The Mercury newspaper that long, lopsided bangs act like an eye patch, blocking sunlight and sensory input in one eye. Over time the one eye becomes short-sighted and weak causing lazy eye. So not only does it look really, really stupid but it can impair you vision. So do the math kids, cut your hair. It hasn't been reported whether their terrible music will stop.

Mick Jagger will be making his third appearance on SNL and his first time as host in the season finale May 19. Along with his hosting duties he will be performing with the Foo Fighters, Arcade Fire and Jeff Beck, but will not be joined on stage by fellow Stone Keith Richards, who said he will be watching. As for 2012, marking the 50th anniversary of the Rolling Stones, Keith went on to say that they will not tour this year to commemorate it but that 2013 is the new goal. Always the rational thinker, Keith noted that Charlie Watts didn't actually join the band until January of 1963. Therefore 2013 is the actual birth year of the Stones and he looks at 1962 as merely the year of conception. Brilliant!

The singer of Against Me! Tom Gabel will be detailing his plans to become a woman in the new issue of Rolling Stone. He has suffered from gender dysphoria for years and is soon starting medical procedures to change into and live as a woman. Gabel will now be known as Laura Jane Grace and will be married to his current spouse Heather noting "For me, the most terrifying thing about this was how she would accept the news. But she's been super-amazing and understanding." Against Me! started off as a solo project for Gabel who was joined by a rotating cast of musicians before finally solidifying their line up, releasing their debut album on No Idea Records in 1997. Two more full length's on Fat Mike's San Francisco based Fat Wreck Chords before switching over to major label Sire Records for two records. Against Me! will continue to perform once Gabel's hormone and electrolysis treatments are completed. Here is a song from their second album on Fat:

Speaking of killer new tunes, while recording their latest album with former Alexisonfire guitarist Wade McNeil rocking the mic, UK based Gallows have put out a cover of Minor Threat's "Seeing Red"

The final four has been set in the NHL playoffs. In the East, a classic matchup, New York Rangers taking on their Hudson River rivals the New Jersey Devils. The Rangers got the better of the Devils tonight with a 3-0 victory, while the LA Kings beat the Phoenix Coyotes 4-2 in their game 1 matchup on Sunday night. Second round wasn't quite as great as the first. My second round picks also got murdered, well, I split the four series with the Rangers and Kings making it through and I'm sticking with them here in the third round. I'll take the Rangers in seven and Kings in six, but I've lost twice betting against the Coyotes already.

And in response to the huge success of the Tupac hologram 'performance', Coachella has released their line up for next year's festival. Decent show!

Friday, 11 May 2012

1000

So it's been one month to the day since I shared the address of this blog, put it in searches and google etc, and it has cracked the 1000 views, currently sitting at 1011! I know it's not staggering numbers but for a first timer the response has been great! Obviously most of my friends and family are from Canada but the readership grew from just Canadians to Americans, Russians, Germans, the Brits and a couple folks from down in Ecuador. I'm not really qualified to report on anything, it's basically just opinions on current news of the day or just other random stuff that is mildly interesting or funny. I started it just because I'm currently in the writing program at Second City Toronto for the last five months and I wanted to get into the groove of writing on a regular basis covering current topics hopefully making it funny or at least interesting to someone who may not care about the news regularily. So whether you stumbled upon it by accident, are a facebook friend, a real life friend (or both!) or trying to kill time at work thanks for taking a look!

-matt

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Tuesday, 8 May 2012

news feeds may 8

Google has gotten a license to operate driverless vehicles in Nevada. Google engineer Sebastian Thrun said the driverless cars will "help prevent traffic accidents, free up people's time and reduce carbon emissions by fundamentally changing car use." And since they legalize everything but cocaine in that state the cars can be used on any city street including highways and the famous Vegas strip. The car uses video cameras and a detailed GPS to navigate streets and traffic. And while the cars do drive themselves a person is generally in the front to take control of the car in case it decided to go Herbie on you. As long as it doesn't go Herbie Fully Loaded on you.. what a terrible, terrible movie.

Here's some video footage of the car

The Cumberland Theatre just East of Avenue Road and Bloor here in Toronto is down to it's last few shows. The four screen theatre opened in 1981 and, well, kinda sucked. But it was a cool old theatre that was pretty tacky in a charming kind of way. Their last screening is this Sunday. The property manager has plans to redevelop the site and though this is speculation I'm going to assume some condos are going up because we could use a few more of those around the city.

42% of the United States of America to be obese by 2030. So, the next time you feel like wolfing down three Big Macs, and some fries (do people do that?) think again. Obesity is defined as being about 100 pounds over weight. And people who happen to suffer from obesity have an exponentially greater risk of early mortality, diabetes, and heart disease. Have some broccoli and cauliflower!

A Swiss actor has created something terrifying to almost everyone. So, for a fee, a week before you childs birthday you are able to hire this gentleman, named Dominic Deville, to stalk you child as a scary looking clown. He will send texts, letters and make phone calls threatening you child with an attack. It turns out the attack happens on the kid's actual birthday. After the week of tormenting you child the clown for hire smashes your kids face in a cake. He insists that "If the kid gets too scared or the parents want me to stop, I stop immediately," but has found out through his new gig that "most kids like to be scared senseless." Right. Just in case your child is well balanced and has nothing to talk about in therapy give this guy a call.

After being in development hell for years, it looks like the Jimi Hendrix bio-pic will be going ahead with Andre 3000 cast in the lead role. A Hendrix movie has been discussed for a long time, really heating up a couple years ago around the time of 'Ray' and 'Walk the Line' but was stopped by the Hendrix foundation. No reports on why the film was allowed to go ahead now, but good piece of casting so I hope they go with it. Speaking of good casting, it's going to be great to see Sacha Baron Cohen as Freddy Mercury in the Queen bio-pic. Been talked about for a while and not much going on yet, but that show must go on!

Totally crap news. Adam Yauch, aka MCA, a third of the Beastie Boys died at 47 after a 3 year long battle with cancer. Starting as a fast as hell punk band in 1979 the evolved to put out some of the crunchiest grooves 3 white boys would ever put out. He was not able to make the Beastie recent induction to the Rock and Roll hall of fame, and the group hasn't performed since 2009, the year Yauch was first diagnosed with cancer. Still remember getting Ill Communication in that Columbia House thing.. Like 10 CDs for a dollar or whatever. Oh, the 90s. Here's a Beastie appearance on Late Night with David Letterman where they walked through the streets of NYC rapping winding back up for the big finish at Dave's studio.

I hear some movie did pretty good over the last few days. The Avengers did 200 million and change on their North American opening weekend, shattering box office records. Pretty impressive cast, but the costumes in the line up and theatres all over the country is pretty ridiculous. I haven't seen it yet, but by the sounds of it I probably should. I don't know much about superhero movies, like Batman and Spiderman ok, but other than that I'm pretty ignorant when it comes to that stuff, but I'm sure it'll be entertaining. I liked the first Iron Man movie and all, but mostly because of Downey's charismatic performance, not necessarily because of the super hero stuff. Anyways, the reviews have been quite good and apparently it's a perfect popcorn movie even if you aren't really into comic book movie, so grab some popcorn and a soda, kick back and enjoy!

The governator Arnold Schwartzenegger said "I'll be back" and he meant it. Arnie finished serving his two terms as governor of California dove right back into the movies with three films to be released in the next year; "The Tomb" is currently being filmed and it is the first of two to co-star his 80s rival Stallone coming out soon with the Expendables sequel slated for an August release. He will also be starring in "The Last Stand" with a January 2013 opening date and has just teamed up with Dan Ayer, who is know for writing "Training Day," "U-571" and "S.W.A.T," who will be directing the new project which will be called "Ten." Arnold is a member of an elite (obviously) DEA task for dealing with the world's deadliest drug lords. Welcome back, big guy.

The New York Rangers and New Jersey Devils are both one game away from eliminating their second round opponents for a rematch of the 1994 Conference Finals, the series where Messier guaranteed a win and scores a hat trick to seal said victory. The Rangers have been to the final four just one other time since 1994 when they broke their 54 year Cup curse losing to the eventual champions Devils in 1997. Fortunately, the four teams in the East all don't like each other too much so it should be a great series for whoever makes it. Things are a little more set on the West side now that Phoenix eliminated the favoured Nashville Predators last night. Phoenix goalie Mike Smith has officially pulled ahead of Dustin Brown in the early favourite for the Conn Smythe trophy for playoffs MVP and when the two face each other in the Western conference championship it's going to be great to see who get's the better of who. This is LA's second trip to the final four, first one since 1993 where the Gretzky led Kings put a dagger in the hearts of Leaf fans everywhere, eliminating the Leafs, ruining a dream Montreal/Toronto final. The Phoenix/Original Winnipeg Jets franchise has never been.

It's been ten years since Allan Iverson's practice rant. It's just funny.

Here's a few pics from the super moon that I didn't get to see because I was working on Saturday night.

Friday, 4 May 2012

how to add glamorous curves to your figure

There is many vintage websites around the web which have pictures of countless childhood memories for many people to wax nostalgic about. I was browsing through one and saw weight gain ads for men and women. There is no exact date on the ads themselves but the website stated that they were from 1930-60. Some of the headlines geared towards women include "Men wouldn't even look at me when I was skinny," "Amazing Scientific Plan Adds New Attractive Pounds and Inches" and "Skinny Girls Are Not Glamour Girl." For the guys a headline reads "A Skinny Man Doesn't Stand a Chance." It's fascinating to me to see the change of perception of beauty among the general public when these days we get these Olive Oyl looking models shoved down our throats (no pun intended). I love skinny girls, don't get me wrong, but I don't like anorexic girls. Here's a couple of the ads that are a complete 180 from how we view/measure beauty these days.. Take a look!

may the fourth be with you

Geek alert.. Today is Star Wars day. The original trilogy is a good old fashioned adventure story, only in space. The prequels we alright, not near as bad as everyone has made them out to be, but still not even close to the original trilogy. Episode III comes close, easily the darkest entry into the series. Just gonna post some cool pics, comics, jokes, whatever from the Star Wars universe over the years.

And here's the Copa Cabana with Star Wars themed lyrics, ya, that's all. I used up all my geek for the week in this post alone. Happy friday!

Tuesday, 1 May 2012

news feeds may 1

Is Obama too cool for office? The New Yorker magazine thinks so. In case it wasn't obvious the 'rubber-chicken' primary has been decided. Obama, of course, will be running for re-election. But if you take a few moments and watch the coverage of the White House Correspondent's Dinner (if you didn't see the highlights you can check it out here) you remember why Obama is in office in the first place. The man is charming, and even his detractors have a tough time disliking the guy when they are in his presence and he's on. He speaks well. He dresses well. And he's sharp, wow is he sharp. Jimmy Kimmel acted as, what was basically a roast master and this guy who has his own talk show was out-funnied by someone who has no business being this naturally funny. At least at his job. The best joke, at least for me, was when he was talking about when he first started his campaign in 2008 and he noted he had black hair, followed by a current picture with greying hair then he ends it up by show a picture of what he'd look like in 5 years if re-elected and a picture of Morgan Freeman comes up. I know, he probably has incredible writers, maybe it was Kimmel himself, who knows? But the way he delivers his lines so calmly, so perfectly that you know he knows what he's doing. If the presidential election becomes on of those elections based on personality, then there is no reason why Obama can't be in office for a second term. Let's just hope he's done his homework on his political platforms.

It's been one year to the day since Bin Laden was killed, and the world is still glad to be rid of him.

When you sign up for a Starbucks Rewards card the coffee giant gives you a free beverage on your birthday with as many add ons as you can get. A 22 year old student from Texas thought he would take full advantage of this and try to make the craziest drink he could think of. His drink: Java Chip Frappucino with sixteen shots of espresso, a shot of soy milk, caramel flavouring, banana puree, strawberry puree, vanilla beans, Matcha powder, protein powder and a caramel and mocha drizzle on top all in the new 'Trenta' sized cup (a super-sized cup presumably only available in the US?) The bill for a paying customer would have been $23.60. Describing the taste, the customer called it "Tolerable, but not good. Imagine a coffee based health food smoothie that will put you in the hospital if you drink it all." He didn't finish it. The article, that was posted on Yahoo! also posting results of a survey that stated most Americans spent $3-5 on coffee every morning and the average American spends about $1000 a year on coffee, and it's kind of interesting to see how expensive you can actually make a coffee, especially since Starbucks announced it was raising it's prices by 1% in some regions. Who knows, in 2015 maybe we're spending $2000 a year on coffee?

It's too bad when you see the impact of iTunes and piracy when you see people at a good label lose their jobs. Roadrunner Records have closed their overseas offices losing 36 employees, and an additional 16 staffers will be laid off stateside as well. Roadrunner founder and CEO Cees Wessels has resigned his post in the wake of the changes initiated by Roadrunner parent company Warner Music Group. Roadrunner Records started in 1980 as Roadracer Records in the Nethelands originally distributing American metal records in Europe. They scored some early triumphs with albums by King Diamond, Annihilator and the Scandinavian distributing of early Metallica records. In the late 80 and 90s the label released records by Sepultura, Obituary, Machine Head, Type O Negative, Vision Of Disorder and Earth Crisis, 3 Inches Of Blood, Biohazard, The Misfits, Shelter among many other. Criticism of the label over the years have included mistreatment of bands to signing and releasing Nickleback records which if it wasn't for the labels excellent legacy I would never listen to another album they put out. Everyone makes mistakes. Lennon thought it was a good idea to put out Yoko albums on the Beatles' Apple Records. Shit happens.

GIVE ME BACK MY CAREER!!

Mel Gibson has a temper. After years of speculation it was confirmed by the 56 year old actor on his visit to the Tonight Show with Jay Leno on Friday night. Screenwriter Joe Eszterhas (who is responsible for such gems as F.I.S.T., Basic Instinct and Showgirls) was down at Gibson's Costa Rica home to show him a script. Mel disapproved of the script then went on a rant which for some reason Eszterhas was recording him. Mel said to Leno "Has it really come to the place that you can't blow off steam in your own home?" He may have a point. "If he put half as much time and effort and creativity and imagination into a screenplay, which he was supposed to write, as he did into that letter, we wouldn't be having this conversation. " Also possibly true. As for the infamous 'blow ups' not in his own home blowouts include anti-Semitic, homophobic and racist remarks and more than a couple DUI the first of which or at least the first widely reported incident was in our own back yard. In 1984 while filming the clunker "Mrs. Soffel" in Toronto, Gibson ran a red light and smoked the back of another car while inebriated. I think Mel's only redeeming value now is Lethal Weapon and Mad Max. I can't watch Braveheart with a straight face now. :/

The Least Dirty of the Pics

Round two of the playoffs is underway with the Kings and Coyotes leading 2-0 in their series while the Rangers/Caps split the first two and the Flyers are up 1-0 on the Devils. Who expected the goal explosion by the Kings in the first period last night in St. Louis. Another big story (kind of) in hockey is Wayne Gretzky's daughter Paulina. She's pretty good looking let's face it, but she clearly doesn't have an ounce of self respect or shame. But if you ever wondered what Wayne's eldest childs butt looks like, click here for her new set of partying pictures (this is the second time questionable pics of her have been posted on the internet). It seems like a 180 from their middle child who must have inherited some athletic talent from his father as he played baseball and football at San Diego State University, and was selected by the Chicago Cubs in the 2011 MLB Draft and signed a contract shortly thereafter. Sounds like his career path is much more on track than the 24 year old Paulina, who did not go to college to pursue her career as a pop singer only to spend her time drinking and partying her nights away. The Paris Hilton of the 2010s?

The new Miami Marlins jerseys haven't grown on me like I hoped they would. And it has nothing to do with the fact that they have been a bust through the first month of the season. I like the colour scheme on the stylized 'M' logo but it just doesn't look very good on the field. And yes, who cares what the uniform is so long as the product on the field is of a high caliber? Baseball clubs aren't fashion designers, and throughout the years there has been some hilariously so-bad-they're good uniform designs. The wave of expansion through baseball brought in new markets that had not seen professional ball in the past and wanted to make an immediate splash in the league by having flashy uniforms. Other franchises who were around a long time but struggling changed their uniforms to try and generate any kind of excitement. That's all today folks, so here's the best of the worst baseball uniforms as a parting gift.